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#2 - THE TWISTED HEIST
A star had just gone out in the distance, sending its entire system, planets and moons, into oblivion. So, what was a simple life compared to a sun? Did the human existence that earthlings highly cherished in the past deserve so much fuss?
I would say no, of course, because I’m a cat. Our condition to us felines will never have to pale in front of a shiny astronomical object. Mine specifically, don’t you think?
Oswald Avery was merely a Homo sapiens. A retired buccaneer, fermenting his adulterated wine on the carcass of a drifting supercargo; all under the remodeled features of a former Galactic Trade Company’s pilot. Alas, regardless of the genetic disguise, the FID rarely lied. It hadn’t fooled us and the masks had fallen off. Just like him.
I’m such a poet.
Anyway… Avery had had a long life of crimes and adventures. He was full of energy in his youth. And as in the universe, nothing is lost, nothing is created, everything is transformed, this energy was reincarnated in a nice amount in our bank account once the old picaroon flatlined.
“We finally got it! And it was a traditional Martian contract. Payable remotely, on condition that the FID is validated. How about that?”
“God… Lee … you’re talking to yourself and it’s only 8 a.m.,” Ali grunted behind me.
My couch potato of an associate had her head still stuck in the cereal box she was nibbling before falling asleep binge-watching Captain Caveman on ABC.
“To begin with, it’s 8 p.m., Martian Time. And we do have a positive balance in our bank account for the first time in months! Do you know what that means, partner?”
“Shopping, bitches!” she shouted as she hurled herself into the void, gliding to the bathroom in the weightlessness.
With the cardboard box on the top of her head, this sugar bishop was swimming after the remnant cereals that floated on her path like Ms. Pac-Man.
“Hell! Have I just opened Pandora’s box?”
The liner Danaë and its forty-eight post-nuclear Baltimore-XVIII heavy reactors made its annual cruise from Lunapolis to the suburbs of Ceres, in the belt. Its figurehead with the effigy of the Greek princess was a two hundred meters long, green ceramic statue. The size of the ship exceeded some inhabited asteroids’ diameter so it possessed its own substantial gravitational field.
“It’s quite a symbol of the decline of humanity,” I said to Ali, pointing with my chin at this unique work of art.
“Why?” my partner asked without caring whatsoever. “Spill the beans, Plato.”
The Kitty had obtained permission to dock and began its approach. I concluded then:
“Humanity no longer erects great and beautiful things without turning them into a shopping mall.”
The gold and ivory Danaë was one of the most luxurious epicenters of human decadence in the system; comprising hotels, casinos, megastores and amusement parks spread over a dozen centrifugal rings. There was something for everyone’s wallet, ready to be emptied, whether one was welcomed at the port or had joined during the crossing.
And to my great regret, the cape of the Danaë was just passing by us that week.
“I believe we should keep our savings for the maintenance of the Swallow. The dashboard lights up like a Christmas tree. Some parts need to be changed…”
“You’re such a bore with your adult talks,” my partner said as she left the fitting room of a luxury chain overlooking the main deck. “What do you think of that? Sexy as fuck, right?”
Her camisole didn’t hide a single inch square of flesh and I subtly pointed it out to her:
“It’s a bit of a back-alley Sally.”
I took a blow on the nose which, this time, was amply justified.
“There’s nothing chicer than Borderline. You don’t know anything about fashion. It’s crazy!”
She was furious. It was entertaining. But she was right. The human female fads were way over my head and I wasn’t a good adviser. Mostly because I didn’t care. At all.
Fortunately, the upscale shopping mall where we were staying had provided us with a free assistant who was even more servile than a decerebrate canine. As usual, the robot carrier that accompanied us did the job by flattering her with its unbearable honeyed tone:
“I find you charming, Madame. Here we have the latest fashionable lingerie on Mars. It’s an ephemeral collection that appears to have been specially made to mold your discreet curves, which seem to have been sculpted by the seraphim.”
Ali gave me a satisfied look that I pretended to ignore. Then she backtracked into the fitting room to put her black suit and pink jacket back on.
I took the opportunity to climb on the shoulders of this silly robot, servant of our servants and last link in this hierarchy whose origins go back to Ancient Egypt.
“One more move like this and I’ll turn you into a gum dispenser.”
The automaton apologized before my partner’s head emerged from behind the silk curtains which were far too fragrant for my taste.
“I just checked; it’s too expensive anyway. I ain’t buying it,” she announced. “Can you order a taxicab to take us to the hotels’ ring? You’d be a sweetheart.”
Happy to leave this irascible human with her robotic slave, I proceeded to the nearest service terminal. By the time I requested a vehicle, a flying cigarette dispenser could light me a Lucky.
“It’s forbidden to smoke in our store, Monsieur.”
The customer attaché, in his blue silk suit with elephant legs, had appeared out of nowhere. Yet, with such a shiny tie, this punk should have dazzled me from the Kuiper belt.
“Please be kind and get me a Pepper Coke instead of ruining my eyesight…” I grumbled in response.
I was in an awful mood. I definitely hated shopping. And people. Yet the pedestrian avenues of the Danaë had a very exceptional population density. Perms were making a strong comeback, as were neon tattoos and overly open flowered shirts. Under the false UVA/B sun, it was a true dance of flesh, steel and plastic bodies with assumed nudity. Implants and surgery erased the hazards of the genetic lottery for better or worse. It was so superficial. So futile. So human.
“Hello, handsome!” Ali cried out, a large smile across her face. “Lee? You didn’t tell me you knew Christophe Lambert! You know I'm a huge Highlander fan!”
My partner had just joined me, arms loaded with bags massive enough to live in it, start a family and park my chromic Pontiac Firebird. All were filled with C$400 t-shirts and sneakers that she didn’t need and would only put on once.
“No smell. Hologram,” I conclude by throwing my cigarette butt through the smiling ghost.
“Shame!” Ali sighed.
She then looked at her terminal, and continued:
“Do you think I have time to grab a watch module? There are sales in the Japanese aisle! I saw some GD-8 that would go well with my new Game Pocket! This boat is fucking rad!”
Ali could not stop humming Who wants to live forever. I had to rub my temples to avoid a migraine before the arrival of our taxicab five minutes later.
These were miniature limousines with double fake leather benches, facing each other at the back. There was a minibar with expensive multicolored drinks and sugar-soaked snacks, the sapiens’ primary source of calories and high Gs space travel drug. For the sensitive, the smart-fridge provided diet sodas with aspartame, but no one took it. Finally, there were free Gauloise cigarettes next to the ashtray on the armrest. And even Tylenol!
“What a time to be alive!”
Right after leaving the fashion district, a soft voice of a young woman, who appeared to us through the armored porthole separating her from her customers, finally emerged from the cockpit:
“Good evening! I’m Miss Meera. At your service. Hotel de Saint-Malo, correct?”
I nodded. She smiled at us. She was beautiful with her incredibly dark night metal skin that contrasted strongly with her silvery-white hair. She also had charming ivory eyes with absolutely no reflection. They were a mesmerizing void of light.
In fact, it was so rare to deal with a real person, and not an AI, that we engaged rapidly in a lovely and honest discussion with Meera. We were mostly talking about life on the Danaë. As she stated, the rules on board were very strict, even military. All was done to make sure that the customer had the most pleasant time at the expense of everything else. Finally, according to her, her condition wasn’t the most to be pitied in the cosmos. And she was fully satisfied with this precarious semi-nomadic existence.
“And what about you? Are you here on vacation or in transit for work?” she eventually asked. “What do you do for a living?”
Should we have told her that we were executing infamous people so Ali would collect expensive t-shirts and I could fulfill my nicotine addiction?
“Don’t get me wrong but I saw that you had a gun. Are you in the police… or are you pirates?”
It wasn’t the first time someone asked us this question. Although weapons were allowed on most ships and stations, it wasn’t wise to display them unless you were looking for trouble. Unfortunately, hiding such a large caliber under such a tight vest was a Herculean task.
“You can get much farther with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone”, simply quoted Ali, her forehead against the window covered with scented stickers.
Meera laughed before continuing:
“Very well, Al Capone. I understand that you’re not the type to let yourself be taken advantage of.”
The taxicab entered the central expressway after the water park then suddenly swerved violently to the left.
“What is going on?” I gasped.
After crushing the safety railing, we fell from one rotating bridge to the other in a frantic cavalcade. Judging by Meera’s swear words, this ride wasn’t part of the show.
Avoiding the stalls of an art market and a group of children coming out of an arcade, the driver finally managed to recover in extremis. It was about time, because within seconds we were passing through the transparent protective wall of the hotels’ deck.
“A thousand apologies! Another one of those mor… clients from the Middle System who doesn’t know how to use a rental car,” she shouted through the window. “Are you guys hurt?”
“No, thanks to you,” I replied, my tail spiked over my head, taped to Ali’s neck now decorated with bloody scratches.
Although my human forehead now had a bump on it the size of a golf ball, it was true that Meera had just saved our lives. This young girl had unsuspected driving talents despite taxicabs’ lack of handling. She didn’t belong here, playing the steward in a yellow circus uniform. This woman should have been a fighter pilot; or a NASCAR driver on Canyon Creek.
“In any case, here you’re almost in front of your hotel,” she replied. “You don’t have to pay anything, and I apologize again for the scare.”
From the outside, the taxicab now looked like a can of nutrigel after going through a crusher. Yet, it still worked. May God Darwin bless Venusian steel.
After thanking her, we wished Meera a good day. But the cockpit window suddenly went down on the passenger side. The smile of the driver had faded. She had tears at the corner of her white eyes.
“Wait!” she asked. “This weapon… do you really know how to use it?”
So, life on the Danaë wasn’t so sweet. As Meera explained to us in a secluded alleyway, a trio of criminals had come to threaten her a few days earlier, after finding she was a bodacious driver. They were preparing a heist in one of the flying city’s fifty casinos. The young woman was now ready to pay the price to settle the case.
“What is your opinion about this whole situation?” I asked Ali, once in our room, a small yet cozy suite whose glass walls overlooked the vacuum of space.
My human had applied a brownish ointment on her hump, which disappeared soon after, leaving only a slight pinkish hematoma.
“Meera said she would provide us with more details tomorrow. However, if she ponies up the cash, I don’t see why we would refuse. We ain’t mercs but these three guys must have a bounty on their heads. Let’s do our job, right?
“Indeed…”
All we had to do was wait for more instructions. Fortunately, it had been months since we had been able to take days off except on miserable gas stations full of drug addicts, implants scavengers and prostitutes.
After another morning of shopping, Ali went to the thalassotherapy center of the neighboring hotel. Her main occupation? Overeating sushi made by 3D nutrigel printing while getting massages.
Alas, I didn’t have the time to bask under the false sun of the lakeside resort and get my belly stroked. As a good captain, I had to go to the maintenance to fix the numerous damages of the Kitty. As always, the bill would be higher than expected.
Everything was orchestrated so that we would never hold a positive balance in this corrupted system. We had to chain contract after contract.
But Meera’s gig didn’t sound right. There was something I didn’t like and I couldn’t catch it yet. All my cat sensors were in the red. Unfortunately, the bounty hunter’s ones only saw the green of the bills.
Don’t judge me.
The young taxicab driver had finally contacted Ali again by holoconference in the early afternoon, shortly before I joined her at the exit of the tanning booths. Or as I called them: human toasters.
“Have you finished roasting like a Thanksgiving turkey?” I asked her as she plunged into the icy water of the adjacent basin, under the lustful gaze of a group of cadets from the Marine Academy.
“Meera will pick us up with a new taxicab in the hotel parking lot,” she whispered once back to me. “Alongside her, we will meet two of the criminals at the burglary location, shortly before midnight.”
“Go on.”
“We take care of these guys and we catch up with the last one: the band leader, in the storage cavities of the hangar reserved for the ship’s logistics. Below the last rotating ring.”
In Eve’s costume, Ali came out of the basin, not without deliberately drenching me. The water had a nasty chemical taste from being filtered day after day.
“Do you have any intelligence on these jokers?” I insisted while lighting a cigarette.
“The Broadway Gang. Three brothers. C$45,000 for the trio. We will also be able to recover at least C$10,000 of Techno-federal tax on their ship depending on its condition. Easy cash with the dollar credits that Meera promises us…”
Now sitting on the ledge, my partner splashed her feet to demonstrate her eagerness to head back swimming.
“Excellent! This will pay for the maintenance and allow us to save some money on our way to the belt.”
“Can I go now?” she asked, sliding back into the water.
“You may,” I had concluded before seeing her leave for her absurd wanderings that would fill her afternoon.
I myself was very busy making eyes at the wealthy guests of the hotel restaurant to glean a few pieces of Peking duck or juicy crabs. They were real farm animals from Mars. Not nutrigel. It was worth abandoning a little dignity aside.
With a full belly, I finally joined Ali in the middle of the evening. Arriving in the corridor of our suite, I crossed the group of cadets noticed near the swimming pool. They seemed tired but blissfully smiling as they just discovered the nirvana. And I knew why…
“Ali? Are you ready?” I said as I walked through the half-open bedroom door.
Her dressing gown had been thrown on the floor. Her gun and badge were resting on the bedside table against a giant bottle of Koala Springs soda and a pyramid of little Yoyo Mints.
To be honest, I expected a bigger mess.
“Gimme five minutes,” she replied while in the shower.
An hour later, we met Meera in the staff parking lot behind the recycling stations. Without further discussion, we joined the expressway in the taxicab. Between two noisy info-ads, the radio played Sweet Transvestite then the rest of the mythical Rocky Horror soundtrack.
“I wonder what Tim Curry’s up to these days,” asked Ali while browsing the intraweb on her implant.
“Being legendary as usual,” I answered.
Afterwards, the casino was in sight. But once on the forecourt illuminated by the gold and silver bulbs, we heard gunshots and screams. My partner and I quickly realized that this was a violent robbery rather than a modest heist.
“What the fuck, Meera?” Ali asked, turning to the porthole that separated us from the cockpit.
There was a hint of irritation in her voice.
Meera remained mute, her hands on the wheel and her gaze forward. In the rear-view mirror the young woman looked panicked.
The right door of the vehicle suddenly opened and two men sat down in front of us. They were wearing theater masks: the first was Melpomene, the sad grimace of tragedy; the second, Thalia, the twisted smile of comedy. Each brigand carried a huge metal block under his arm; drawers that were sure to be full of cash. On the other hand, they held their still smoking ZeG-4 machine guns even more firmly.
When they saw us, they both gasped, in unison:
“What the fuck, Meera?”
One… two. One… two.
Four holes in their faded tuxedo. Four bullets as big as a cat’s eye that silenced them forever, before slowly repainting the bench in red.
“What the fuck was that? You killed them!” Meera shouted this time, as she started the electric engine. “You had tasers at your disposal, you psychos!”
She had finally turned around. Her voice was quivering. She was no longer panicked, but angry.
The tasers must have slipped between the seats because I hadn’t seen them. My partner raised her eyebrows and it made me realize that their use had never been in mind.
“We’re bounty hunters, not 9 to 5 social workers!” continued Ali. “Now, you gotta motor, otherwise the cops will shoot our ass on the spot before we could even meet the third dude!”
Meera put her foot on the pedal and one could almost hear the noise of the thrusters melting the white asphalt.
“I can perceive the sirens, Ali,” I concluded before Meera entered the ring's external road reserved for logistic transport.
We then had the shortest car chase we had taken part in. The Danaë security forces may not have had the best elements in the system, but Meera’s talents didn’t give them a chance. We had crossed half a dozen rotative bridges to the rhythm of Take on Me, zigzagging between expressways and maintenance tunnels to arrive before the song ended at the deserted logistics hangar.
It was similar to a huge supermarket with honeycombed shelves. Each of these garages, dimly illuminated by red LEDs, housed a delivery or transport vessel. There was the most impressive fleet I had ever seen.
In one of the first level’s cells stood, between a set of clamps, a Swift-0 scout, from Peugeot Corp, with wings spread. The Swifts were small and very high-end single-seaters. They could be modified to integrate weapons systems, but their primary characteristics were velocity and evasion.
Leaning on the flank of the mono-turbine, the last of the three criminals, a tall blond man with a “Chevy Chase” prominent chin was looking down on the approaching taxicab.
“Were they planning to escape on that ship? The three of them?” I remarked when the vehicle stopped a few meters from the small vessel.
But Meera ignored me.
“Hand me the money, I’m going out. That was the agreement.”
The porthole opened at its base, allowing us to pass the steel cash drawers. Once the taxicab’s ignition was turned off, only their holographic numbers glowed in the dark.
“It’s all over if his cronies don’t stick their noses out of the car,” Ali replied, finally giving the second drawer away. “He’s going to figure out that it went south. He will kill you!”
Outside, the man was getting impatient. Blinded by the taxicab’s headlights, he came closer before exclaiming:
“Zéphyr, are you there? Where are my brothers? Security is closing all the departure modules. We will be stuck here, for fuck’s sake!”
He now had a gun in his hand. A machine gun identical to those of his companions currently bathed in their blood, nailed to the seats.
“Zéphyr? Wait… I know that name!” I meowed to myself.
The doors and portholes of the taxicab were locked. Ali and I were now stuck in the back with the two flatlined and most wanted criminals on the ship.
“Sorry guys, but I’ll handle the rest.”
Miss Meera, alias Zéphyr, smiled at us through the armored glass just before leaving the cockpit by the driver’s door.
“What a fucking piece of shit… Lee? Do you have a plan? I think the windows are bulletproof. I don’t feel like testing. Especially if it’s bouncing around with us inside, we will be turned into ground beef!”
“Did you forget who I am, my dear?”
I was already crawling under the seat, between a pair of Méduse shoes and half nibbled fried rat wings. It was time to demonstrate all my infiltration skills learned from Ninja Gaiden. Unfortunately, both the crab and the duck slowed me down and my belly remained for a few seconds stuck under the driver’s seat with my head on the brake pedal. How outrageous!
From the porthole, I saw Ali watching what was happening in front of us, near the ship. Our eyes met for a brief moment and I could read on her lips: “diet kibble”.
“Better off dead!” I shouted.
My paw reached the bottom of the dashboard, activating the mechanical opening of doors and windows. And, accidentally, the loudest horn in this dimension.
“My bad!”
My sapiens immediately jumped outside, pointing her gun to Zéphyr. Surprised by the thunderous din, her target pivoted towards us, uncovered, turning her back to the human with the magnificent chin and his ZeG-4 who yelled:
“What in the whole universe is that? Wait! I know her! Did you bring us bounty hunters? You were clearly planning to double-cross us!”
The man shouted and his gun produced a rain of bullets. It first hit the windshield of the taxicab, passing through the conductor compartment where I was. The rounds bent the windscreen, but it held. This wasn’t, however, the case for the hood, protecting the engine and the reservoir full of coolant, which ended up covering the seat and my face.
Fortunately, the sticky alcohol allowed me to escape from this trap and jump out of the vehicle through the window I had previously opened. But, once again, a fire ring enveloped the ZeG-4’s cannon.
“This is how I die…” I meowed, eyes closed.
I was violently tackled and hit the ground. Zéphyr had saved me at the last moment, just before bullets obliterated the front of the taxicab.
Other projectiles ricocheted off the metal money drawers on the floor and got lost in the ceiling, activating the fire sprinklers. This incident triggered a silent light alarm throughout the hangar while the mobster prepared a new salvo.
“Don’t hurt my pilot, you narbo!” roared my partner.
Ali, this time taken as a target, retaliated. She fired a single shot towards the rascal with a formidable precision. No one knew how to handle such a heavy gun as she did. She was my human. She was the best in her field: murder.
And I taught her everything. Almost.
The leader of the robbers tried to reload the magazine of his weapon, unaware that his heart had been punctured a few seconds before. Adrenaline was doing its job. But the blood loss caused by the explosion of the aorta at its base, near the ventricles, gradually stopped him in his gesture. His pressure dropped and the bloodstream no longer reached the brain sufficiently. He was already in a coma when his shoulders touched the ground. He was luckier than the average Joe and died a few seconds later.
“Is everything all right?”
My voice was trembling, still in shock from this disaster. I was wet and frozen.
Zéphyr got up with difficulty. Next to us, one of the metal drawers was opened, revealing a bunch of green bills and a much stranger booty: an eight-inch gold diskette with suspicious Chinese symbols.
Well… I couldn’t read them but Chinese symbols on stuff are always suspect, aren’t they?
But there were more important matters. Because my partner, on the other hand, stayed on the ground. Blood was dripping from her black suit and mixed with the clear firefighting fluid that was falling like an endless rain.
I tried to talk to her again but my voice was lost in a groan.
“Why are you whining, you big baby? It’s just blood.”
With her nose in a puddle, my sapiens smiled at me. Her left hand was compressing her abdomen. The bullet had passed through the external oblique muscle, far from the stomach.
It wasn’t that bad after all but she had scared me. And that deserved a scratch on the wrist that made her scream:
“What the fuck?”
“And the medical expenses? Have you thought about medical expenses? We don’t have insurance!”
“God, Uncle Scrooge! I hate you!”
“We won’t be able to fix the Kitty with your heroic outbursts!” I fulminated to mask my joy of seeing her in one piece.
“I will kill you, Muppet! I almost died! I don’t give a fuck about your rusty trash can which flies like a brick!”
It was true that we hadn’t had a fight for a long time.
“Guys…” intervened Zéphyr.
“What?”
Ali and I had spoken together.
“These three ruffians had planned to steal the diskette drive from me once I got back. I needed a hand, so… thank you… I guess.”
“You’re welcome,” my human answered dryly while sitting.
Although Zéphyr saved me, I didn’t share the same kindness:
“Wait, we’re not letting him go! Do you know who he is?”
Zéphyr. Prince of thieves. And yes, he wasn’t much of a princess either. Just an androgynous cyborg. A breakout king wanted throughout the entire system for his affiliation with the Data Brokers’ Guild. With an incredible bounty of C$800,000, she or he… whatever… was the knight of the brokers’ chessboard.
“I think we’ve had enough for today,” Ali said. “Unless you hope to go after him with these big fat guts of yours.”
“By the 79 moons of Jupiter, you shall pay for this, woman!” I meowed, angry.
My ears were backwards and my hairs were spiky. But soaking wet, it just made Ali and Zéphyr laugh.
Disgrace!
“He’s so cute when he’s furious,” he joked.
Now on his knees, the night-skinned androgynous was blotting Ali’s wound with a torn piece of fabric from his driver’s uniform.
“But more seriously, I need to go. With the bounty, you’ll be able to repair your vessel. As for the hospital fees, I will contact a good friend who will take care of you for free. She’s the ship’s chief medical officer.”
“Thank you,” I simply replied as he helped my partner get back on her feet.
“It’s the least I can do. I wasn’t interested in money. More important information is contained in this,” he said as he was picking up the floppy disk.
This golden diskette must have been worth a lot of cash for Zéphyr to play a taxicab driver to ensure coverage. I had perceived that something was fishy!
Then, halfway to his Swift-0, Zéphyr stopped. I witnessed his hesitation.
“There was nothing personal, you know. We’re all just trying to make our way. The best we can…”
And he ultimately left before adding:
“Maybe we’ll see each other again! You seem like fun.”
Before fleeing away, Zéphyr abandoned one of the boxes near the criminal’s corpse. Thus, he validated the theory of a robbery that had gone wrong. When the security arrived a few minutes later, we were the heroes of the day. And with a little bribe, nobody cared about Zéphyr’s missing ship.
This whole story surely left us a bitter taste. A feeling of defeat and humiliation that the swimming pool under the synthetic sun couldn’t make disappear even a week after.
“He undoubtedly played us as we were rookies, with his little face of a young innocent girl in distress,” I said to Ali right after the end of the daily Brett Maverick.
This old show was dispensed on a couple of giant screens suspended by drones.
Until now, Ali had remained silent on her deckchair; with a brick of sour juice stuck between her breasts and a pair of straws between her teeth. Only inaudible grunts emanated from her mouth since the departure of the sexually unclassifiable mugger.
“I wonder what information this fucking cyber-Tootsie could have been looking for in that casino,” my human mumbled as she squeaked her rainbow flip-flops.
“Admit that it’s not really that question that puts you in such a state…” I answered, now well installed on my motorized buoy that I had gotten as a gift in a diet kibbles package.
“You bet! I will have a nasty tan mark on my stomach with these bandages!” she exploded, spitting out her plastic straws with infinite curls.
My float slipped towards the ledge as a robot came to bring us our next glucose overdose.
Ali finally added:
“I swear that if we run into him again, I’ll smack his fucking angel face.”
Back to business! submitted by I don't want to bore you all so please take a look at my thoughts on some pretty cool films! I watched ~91 movies this year and beginning January 1 I decided to keep a list and write a review if I felt inspired or didn't write one if I was too high or lazy. The list is a combination of movies that came out in 2020, movies I had never seen before, and some movies that needed a rewatch.
I am by no means a professional critic but only an incredibly passionate fan that likes to think I have a good eye! Comment if you agree, comment if you disagree, just comment so I have something new to think about some of the films.
As a quick note, this post is essentially a rip-off of a post done by
u/BunyipPouch that can be referenced here:
https://www.reddit.com/movies/comments/eh71gy/i_saw_192_movies_in_theaters_in_2019_here_is_my/ . I really like the way this person outlined their list so I'm pulling a Quentin Tarantino and stealing their idea! Without further ado:
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Arrival - 10/10 Confirmed my favorite movie of all time. Watching for what might be the 7th time made me realize the strength of a feeling that movies can give you. Having a favorite movie doesn’t mean it is the best movie, but the feeling you get when watching your favorite movie has you wanting to chase that feeling in every movie you see. Certain aspects are unexplainable but all I know is there is something about this movie that gets to me every time I watch it. Maybe it’s the decision she makes to live out the life she sees in front of her even though it leads to extreme heartbreak. Maybe it’s the daring concept of alien life in what is almost such a real depiction. Maybe it’s the idea that time really is a shiftable construct that we may have the power of utilizing. Whatever it is, it leads to extreme beauty and an indescribable feeling.
Parasite - 10 Spotlight - 9.4 A near perfect 10/10. This isn’t a typical movie that should be judged by the acting or camera work, but by the ability to progress and tell a sick and twisted story. The layers are peeled back with each scene, revealing a new horrific aspect about the size of the case, the attempt to cover it up, and the sickness of the individuals involved. The scope of the story can cause an emotional reaction at multiple points and makes you see the pain that the victims have gone through without leaning too much on showing this actual pain.
2001: A Space Odyssey - 9.4 1917 - 9.3 Gone With the Wind - 9.3 Waves - 9.2 There are so many interesting aspects of this film that make it unique and almost fantastic. Firstly, it is almost equally an experience of sound as it is of color and visual (hence ending on Alabama shakes’ Sound and Color). The soundtrack uses modern rap and R&B hits in an effective way and not in the way of trying to impress the audience with good music. Secondly, the emotional scenes are so genuine and the directing style is not aggressive so you can feel the emotion with the characters. The moment of Emily seeing her bf hug her dying father, causing her to walk away bursting into tears and trying to find the words to say to her parents over text, is beyond heartbreaking and done so well. The demise of her brother is depressing and felt exaggerated but goes to show that life can take crazy turns. Loved it.
Soul - 9.2 Such a beautiful film that I did not expect to move me the way it did. The film tackles incredibly deep and metaphysical questions with such ease that it makes the directing and everything about the movie feel even more genius. At times it struggles between being a movie for kids and trying to answer life's toughest questions, but overall tells a beautiful story of just living to live.
Sound of Metal - 9.2 The Lighthouse - 9.2 Oh my god. I don’t really know what to say but this movie made me feel things and that feeling is hard to find. I don’t want to rate it.
The Social Network - 9.2 Pain and Glory - 9.1 Dear Zachary - 9 Never cried more in a movie as this is what the heaviest loss looks like. The sheer passion and commitment that Kate and David have toward honoring their son and being good people is astounding and incomprehensible at times. I’ve never hated someone so much in my life before and felt so strongly about the need to live and do good. It is easy to be broken after something like this happens to you but the awe-inspiring love and devotion that these people have for this family is one of a kind. Please watch this if you need to cry.
The Tree of Life - 9 Ferris Beuller’s Day Off - 9 Midsommar - 9 I don’t even really know what I watched but I know it was genius.
Gladiator - 8.8 The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring - 8.8 Steve Jobs - 8.7 Shot in 3 unique stories, this movie is able to give you the spirit of Steve Jobs without needing to explain historical information like many biopics would. Faasbender is spectacular and creates the essence of Steve Jobs perfectly as someone who is utterly devoted to better the human race no matter the cost it brings to those around him. The editing is impressive with so many quick cuts and blending the shots to feel like a singular story. You walk away impressed with the legacy jobs left behind, the heartbreak of him not being around to further the human race, and the harsh reality that he was not a flawless human.
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button - 8.7 This film is really in a category of its own, not because it’s the greatest movie ever made, but because of how unique each of the elements are. Fincher takes his signature style of directing and combines it with a Tree of Life storytelling narrative and a Steven Spielberg/James Cameron style of creating a classic feel good drama. Overall, it’s core is designed to make you accept life for what it is, even if this is particularly a positive spin on life and its consequences.
The Grand Budapest Hotel - 8.7 Frances Ha - 8.5 It is such a realistic depiction of struggling New Yorkers without the emotional breakdown. You never really see her lose her shit even when she seems to be going crazy. I hated in the moment the separation of Greta and her best friend because of the somewhat abrupt change in Sophie’s character, but they have a nice full circle reunion. The performances are fantastic and the film has a certain air to it as if Baumbach wants you to realize that what you are watching is not real life while trying to make it seem as real as possible. Definitely a unique film that has minor flaws but overall shows a meaningful journey of a New Yorker trying to find their way.
Almost Famous - 8.5 Bridge of Spies - 8.5 Steven Spielberg has centered his masterful directing skills into telling real life stories without the need for too much artistic involvement. Movies like Vox Lux and The Lighthouse capture you with artistic involvement, but Spielberg has learned how to capture you with immaculate storytelling of historical events. If you are ever interested in learning something new, Spielberg will not disappoint.
The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King - 8.5 The Other Guys - 8.5 Drive - 8.5 Munich - 8.4 This is an action film that takes away the historical cliches of action films and adds a layer of raw truthfulness. Spielberg uses his gift to inform people of a momentous story that affected Israel and the Jewish people without adding any propraganda-like elements to make you pity them or be completely one sided. The story is horrifically true, and Spielberg does not hold back on any of the details. The acting is solid and provides an emotional look into the consequences that come with facing terrorists both for a nation and for an individual.
Ad Astra - 8.4 Okja - 8.4 So goddamn high please don't hurt the animals.
Wedding Crashers - 8.4 You sandbagging son of a bitch
Blade Runner - 8.3 Crash - 8.3 Incredibly powerful and socially relevant, this movie was necessary during these times to artfully show the systematic racism engrained in society. The acting performances are stellar, particularly Thandie Newton, and Haggis’ directing is perfect to convey the raw emotion in each scene.
Spirited Away - 8.3 Blade Runner 2049 - 8.3 Kill Bill Vol. 1 - 8.3 Enemy - 8.2 Such an interesting and gripping movie that didn’t seem to make a lot of sense but I imagine a second watching would provide more insight. Gyllenhal is truly something else and should be treasured. Villanueva is so good at creating his own world and creating such a uniquely shot film with moods and coloring.
Good Time - 8.2 Snowpiercer - 8.2 The Town - 8.2 5 to 7 - 8.1 Luckily I was in the mood for a rom com but this had its own unique air to it as of course there were cheesy parts, but they were not delivered in a cheesy way. Once over the fact that someone essentially like me could find themselves in this sort of relationship, I could actually begin to root for them and understand how something like this could work. There are some amazing lines that I should go back and write down for when I want to pursue someone, and the holistic narrative of the film is done very well. There is nothing special from a directing standpoint, but his simple approach at least allows the story to progress without any complications from a camera perspective.
Oceans 11 - 8.1 The heist movie of all heist movies. You show me a young Brad Pitt and George Clooney and I’m not sure there’s a way to fuck that up. There are obviously cliche moments and the impossibility of actually pulling this off is sometimes too ridiculous (they throw glow sticks into a hidden elevator shaft to a vault), but overall wonderful to watch.
Jojo Rabbit - 8.1 Philadelphia - 8 Led by the incredible acting of Hanks followed by the emotionally gripping plotline, Philadelphia is able to tell the story of not just one gay man’s plight with aids and the repercussions socially and physically, but of an entire minority’s struggle with acceptance. The directing is very understated in a way that pays off considering the story development should be at the forefront of the film. Incredibly heart-wrenching and is clearly an important film to giving a voice to gay Americans.
Uncut Gems - 8 The Safdie brothers have a particular way of filming/directing that creates an environment of entertaining stress that is able to grip your attention for the whole film. I love the connection between the opal gem and Howard as the movie begins and ends with that connection through his body. Sandler was absolutely snubbed and perfectly portrays what it’s like to be an addict and constantly on the run.
Molly's Game - 8 The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers - 8 Jaws - 8 Love Actually - 8 Cruel Intentions - 7.9 A glorified soft-core porn featuring a young Reese Witherspoon? Yea, you could say I liked it.
Knives Out - 7.8 An all star cast and provides enough mystery to keep the plot moving seamlessly. It’s a very interesting film for a murder mystery as they reveal what would typically be the biggest piece of info quite early in the movie, but there are more layers that need to be peeled back. The reveal is very clever and was not too outlandish, but I think they could’ve done more to make it even more shocking. Aside from that it’s a fun film and is worth the watch.
Rise of the Planet of the Apes - 7.8 In what was a surprisingly enjoyable movie, planet of the apes takes an Avatar approach and gets you to root against the humans. The montage of the ape growing up is done concisely but effectively and allows you to connect with him while remaining entertained. There are obviously some cheesy aspects and not a lot of character development outside of the ape, but I left feeling like I could watch a sequel.
Tenet - 7.8 I love Nolan but I struggled at times to keep up even with my eyes glued to the screen.
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World - 7.8 Booksmart - 7.7 In what can be assumed to be an ode to the Superbad films of the late 2000s, Booksmart successfully keeps you entertained primarily driven by strong performances from Kaitlyn Dever and Beanie Feldstein. They have a clear chemistry that is never doubted and play the perfect duo of extroverted smart high school kids that are finally ready to rebel. There are scenes that are a bit predictable and slightly lazy in writing in order to move the story along that I’m choosing to nitpick over (dever creating a “diversion”, using the pizza guy as the free get out of jail card), but once the little things are accepted the greater story can be appreciated. The movie has the particular feel of Superbad in which you know you’re going to see some outlandish things on the journey that will lead to laughs, but will ultimately lead in a coming of age lesson in a heartwarming way.
Out of Africa - 7.6 "You’ve ruined it for me, being alone."
10 Things I Hate About You - 7.5 Zodiac - 7.5 Frozen - 7.5 The Interview - 7.5 Casino Royale - 7.5 Skyfall - 7.5 The Talented Mr. Ripley - 7.4 Tron Legacy - 7.4 Palm Springs - 7.3 Borat Subsequent Moviefilm - 7.2 The hype was too much to overcome but Cohen really did a nice job of bringing back the classic and presenting Borat in a 2020 world. It’s genius filmmaking to have someone like Borat show America what America is really like as you can look in the eyes of a racist foreigner.
Don’t Worry He Won’t Get Far On Foot - 7 Quantum of Solace - 7 The Perks of Being a Wallflower - 6.9 The cheesiness makes it shocking that it was released as late as 2012 but overall its an interesting story clearly coming from a novel with strong themes.
Loopers - 6.9 I liked having seen Loopers, but it’s not a must see movie. The ending was creative and definitely saved my overall opinion of the movie.
Have a Good Trip - 6.9 Never forget the power of psychedelics and how these icons have had crazy trips. Carrie Fisher is your new favorite.
Coachella Documentary - 6.9 The Gentleman - 6.9 Jurassic Park - 6.9 About Time - 6.9 Spider-Man Far From Home - 6.8 Probably the worst of the new Spider-Man movies but still provides great visuals with interesting hero concepts. There is definitely a lull in the middle and there are some scenes that make you appreciate Marvel, but otherwise just another solid movie from marvel.
Oceans 13 - 6.7 While entertaining and still shows you Pitt and Clooney, there are definitely more annoying aspects and less intriguing storylines.
The Social Dilemma - 6.4 Obviously a very important topic that should have more documentaries like this one, but really overplayed some of the dangers in a dramatic/theatrical sense.
Ford Vs. Ferrari - 6.2 Not gonna lie, while the story itself is enthralling and a unique part of history, the “studio” feel of this movie took away from much of my enjoyment. I feel bad that Bale and Damon had to be in such a studio made film because they both put on great performances. Bale can do anything he wants and crush it. The way they vilify certain aspects is comical and the cliches are tough to get by, but there are some great action shots of the races and powerful scenes where bale is doing the heavy lifting.
Long Shot - 6.1 Definitely some funny and witty jokes, but overall it’s mediocre. I didn’t hate it and actually enjoyed many of the aspects, but no need to say much more.
Air Force One - 6 Patriotic in the most 90s way possible, with Harrison Ford as president, evil Russian bad guys with mustaches, and an essentially all white cast, Air Force One is a hidden American propaganda film. The movie was funnier than anticipated because of the classic Harrison Ford trope of constant survival and the dramatic set ups to make the wins look even more unbelievable. Either way, hard not to love Ford as the president of the USA and almost made me proud to be an American by the end.
Meet Joe Black - 6 With a 100% white cast and overall 90s feel to the movie, it’s hard to rate this movie “fairly” as if it had just come out in 1998. But I like the idea similarly to Tree of Life in terms of looking over your life and making sure you have lived it completely without any regrets. However, acting is mediocre and I didn’t realize how much I hate the typical 90’s businessman in movies.
Andre the Giant - 5.8 Fury - 5.5 This was definitely a disappointing letdown. Expectations were definitely high going in but the horrible special effects and mediocre acting made this tough to be invested by the end.
Armageddon - 5 Back to School - 5 Cougar Hunting - 4.9 submitted by Please, whenever possible, link this post to help out your fellow players.
This is best with 2 players, if possible, to maximize profits.
You'll need an Arcade,
here's a list of all of them.
I prefer the Eight Bit Arcade because of its location and accessibility to the Garage, as well as the fact that it makes most preps spawn in the same locations for easier completion of preps.
Here's a list if guides that'll help with getting started with the Diamond Casino Heist:
Scoping Out
Scope Out Guide [Skip to 4:36] All Access Points All Points Of Interest / POI Tip 1:
While doing Casino Heist preps, you can make Lester shut up and show the mission objective faster by giving one of your contacts (Mechanic, Assistant, hell even Brucie) a call, as long as you know the contact you call will pick up the phone and not just leave you ringing.
Tip 2:
[Make sure to call Simeon or Martin and request a job before you start a prep, as you cannot request a job while doing Casino Preps]
In some missions you are unable to call Lester and call the cops off of you. During these missions, you can get the cops off of you for free by calling Simeon or Martin and request a job. Once you get the job, join it.
AS SOON AS YOU JOIN THE JOB, LEAVE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. If you don't quit, you run the risk of the Host starting the job and therefore cancelling the heist prep.
Once you leave the job, you'll be back in Freemode with no cops on you, and you'll still have your heist prep equipment.
Note:
There are two Access Points that are required for the way I run the heist, in Aggressive and The Big Con (Gruupe Sechs), being the sewer entrance on the right side wall in the first opening, and the tunnel entrance leading into the center of the track. Scope out the Casino
Look for Artwork and Gold, as they are the best (unless Diamonds are available in the vault. In that case, Diamonds are the best)
Changing vault contents
If you've completed all three approaches (Silent & Sneaky, Aggressive & The Big Con), you'll have unlocked the ability to cancel the Casino Heist by calling Lester. You can use this to cancel the heist if you get Cash, or any Vault Content item you don't want.
If you find the Vault contents and get something you don't want, like Cash, you can call Lester while still in the Casino and cancel the heist. Go back to the Arcade and pay the 25k to start the heist again, and you should have a different item for your Vault Contents.
This will essentially allow you to get a second Vault Content item by trading 25k to start the heist a second time with about 8 minutes of finding and hacking / killing the Casino Security guy and going to the Casino.
If, once again, you get a Vault Content item you don't want, exit the arcade, call Lester & cancel the heist, enter your Arcade, rinse and repeat.
Personally, I cycle between Aggressive and The Big Con (Gruupe Sechs).
Now, because I prefer doing the heist through the Aggressive and The Big Con (Gruupe Sechs) approaches, I have little to no experience doing the Silent & Sneaky approach, and thus will be basing this post off of my personal experience in the other two approaches.
Note I'm not going to go into every single prep mission, mandatory or optional as that would take too much time for me. You can look up the rest of the preps on YouTube or Google. I'm only going over my preferred Gunman, Driver, Hacker, the preps that I prefer to do / prefer not to complete, and how I complete the heist.
Aggressive
Gunman: I prefer Patrick MacReary, 8%. I can't remember the other weapon available, but I know he allows you to choose an LMG with 100 round mags. I prefer to use the LMG. You can unlock by finding him in the back of a police van. Take the van to the objective area by following the yellow marker and you'll unlock him.
Driver: I prefer Karim Denz, 5%, which has decent vehicles. I prefer the Sentinel Classic.
Hacker: I prefer Paige Harris, 9%, which you can unlock by owning a Terrorbyte (which you can unlock by owning a Nightclub).
The preps I prefer to do are:
Unmarked Weapons, Getaway Vehicles, Hacking Device, Thermal Charges, Vault Explosives (I prefer to use a Stromberg while doing this mission), Reinforced Armor, Vault Keycards, Patrol Routes, Duggan Shipments, Security Intel (unlock by owning a penthouse and completing the penthouse missions), and Security Pass.
For the Reinforced Armor, I only do this if I have Gold or Diamonds as it slows you down. I also only do this if I am a low level or if I have low level teammates, because low level = low health. If I have Artwork or Cash I don't do this.
As for the Boring Machine prep, you don't need to have the Boring Machine to access the sewer. All you need to do is have took a picture of it and sent it to Lester during the Scope Out prep.
The Big Con
Gunman: I prefer Karl Abolaji, 5%. He has access to the Mini Uzi (I forget the in-game name) and the double barrel shotgun. I prefer the Mini Uzi. *You're going to be mostly going up to people and meleeing them / knocking them out instead of shooting them, unless you get caught, then you'll be shooting them.
Driver: I prefer Karim Denz, 5%, which has decent vehicles. I prefer the Sentinel Classic.
Hacker: I prefer Paige Harris, 9%, which you can unlock by owning a Terrorbyte (which you can unlock by owning a Nightclub).
The preps I prefer to do are:
Unmarked Weapons, Getaway vehicles, Hacking Device, Entry Disguises (2 preps), Vault Drills, Exit Disguise, Vault Keycards, Patrol Routes, Security Intel, and Security Pass.
I don't do Duggan Shipments as usually use my weapon to melee / knock out the security guards at the Casino, and since a melee is a one hit one kill, regardless of level of armor they're wearing, I don't usually do this mission.
Completing the Yung Ancestor missions allow you to have the Grotti Furia, a supercar, as an extra getaway vehicle, although it spawns in the parking lot which is surrounded by cops. I would not recommend doing this.
Again, 2 players are recommended. Start the Heist, get to the Vault. One of you work on the first main room with the big circle table in the centre while the other one will start hacking whichever doors lead to 2 or 3 Artwork or Gold / Diamond / Cash tables. Always go for the rooms that have more than one cart.
Tip: With Gold / Diamonds, you cannot sprint / run, you can however trot. If you go into First Person and tap / press and hold whatever your sprint / run button is, you'll see your character's weapon / screen shake, indicating that you're trotting. Doing this in First Person is actually faster than Third Person.
There are two was I like to lose the cops
1,
through the sewer, and 2, by helicopter
(Helicopter Route) [Disclaimer: This strategy is not recommended if you're trying to get the Elite Challenge, as this will most likely take more than 15 minutes, or however long the given time is.]
Once you are out of the Casino, make it to the road. Drive to the sewer opening by the Casino, and if you don't have a car, just run to said sewer opening.
Note:
If you go back the way you came, or anywhere close to the Casino after you lose the cops, you will gain a wanted level again. Proceed through the tunnel. You'll find a metal gate that you have to pass under, a small vent on the right side, and another vent on the left.
You'll come across 2 paths. Go up the metal ramp on the left. Proceed all the way down the tunnel and down the escalators and ramp downwards. Cross diagonally over the 2 train tracks into the next tunnel with a dirt floor.
You'll find 2 tunnels, left and right. Take either one. You'll find construction, go straight. After this, you'll see a big room. Go straight, take the immediate right and go up the ramps leading to the opening to the highway. If you dont have a car, get one or two and drive to the Buyer.
Links to my other posts, which consist of guides, and other useful things I've found & posted. submitted by Diamond Casino Guide: So you decided that you wanna rob a casino, great! The Diamond Casino Heist is one of the best ways to earn money, but you're wondering, how do I get started? Well you're in luck! This guide is going to teach you the ways to get the best out of the Diamond Casino Heist!
Step 1: Arcade Alright to get started, you’re going to have to own an arcade. Now, it may seem better to go for the arcades on the top of the map to save yourself some cash, however this will make all the preps much harder, as most of them take place in LS or Sandy Shores.
The best arcade locations are 8-bit ($2,530,000, located in Vinewood) and Videogeddon ($1,875,000, La Mesa). When buying your arcade, none of the upgrades are necessary, as most of them are cosmetic. You’ll have to complete a quick arcade setup mission to access the basement where the diamond casino heist planning board is located.
Step 1.5: Arcade Income While this isn’t related to the diamond casino heist, I thought I would put this in there. The arcade generates income based on how many games you have, going up to 5k per in-game day (48 min). The game doesn't matter, so you can just buy the cheapest one (Monkey’s Paradise, $90,000) and fill up your arcade with it.
Step 2: Scope out casino After you’ve finished watching Lester scribble a big mess over the whiteboard, you’ll be able to start the casino heist. Normally, you’ll have to pay a setup cost of 25k, but since it’s your first time doing it, it’ll be free. After you’ve confirmed that you want to start the casino heist, you’ll need to finish the scope out mission. For the scope out mission, you’ll need to take a variety of pictures for lester in order to unlock entrances for the heist.
A full guide is linked here but I’ll sum up the most important ones.
- Staff Lobby: This entrance is arguably the best entrance for the Silent and Sneaky approach. It gives you easy access to the control room where you can get the daily vault easily. It is also the best exit for most approaches as not many guards patrol it. The staff lobby should be around the back of the casino, and should look like a white door behind some yellow bollards.
- Security Tunnel: By scoping out this entrance, it gives you the ability to enter the casino as a Gruppe Sechs team for the Big Con. This entrance is the best if not one of the best approaches to the casino heist. The disguise will allow you to go straight to the vault undetected and back up, however you will be detected when going back out of the casino on the casino access floor, so I would suggest getting some exit disguises to make your escape easier. The security tunnel should look like a big metal garage door with a security camera watching over it under the racetrack.
- Sewers: The sewers allow you to burrow down right into the vault access floor giving you easy access as you are right next to the vault mantrap. The sewer exit, however, is only available in the aggressive approach.
- Roof Terrace: At first glance, the roof terrace may seem like a horrible entrance/exit, however as it turns out, the roof terrace is actually a contender for one of the best aggressive exits. By taking the roof terrace, you can shoot down the guards at the racetrack while them not being able to shoot back and then parachute down.
You’ll only need to do this mission once, and it will be completed for all future casino heists.
Step 3: Vault Contents The vault contents mission is pretty easy. You’ll be given the rough location of a duggan security guard, once you find him, you can either hack him, which can take some time but you won’t get the cops on you if you do it right, or you can kill him and grab the phone, which will save you some time but you’ll need to lose the cops before you can enter the casino.
After you’ve entered the casino, you’ll need to bring out the sightseer app on your phone to find a wifi signal. After you’ve located the wifi signal, you’ll need to figure out the vault contents. Beware that you only have a limited time to do this (2 min).
Since it’s probably your first time, I would recommend that you go through every camera to scope out each POI. The target will be cash since it’s your first time, which has a payout of 2.1 mil on normal. The first time will always be cash (payout of $2,115,000 on normal), but if it’s not your first time, the targets can be either cash, artwork (payout of $2,350,000 on normal) or gold (payout of $2,585,000 on normal).
There is a 4th target, which is diamonds (payout of $3,257,100 on normal) however this vault content is only available for special occasions and has been removed from the vault contents.
If you do the heist on hard by doing the same approach after you’ve done another one, the payout will be 10% larger. If you’ve completed all 3 approaches to the heist, you can cancel the heist which can be helpful if you’ve got a bad target.
Link to this is here. Step 4: Selecting your approach Once you’ve finished the vault contents mission, you’ll be able to select your approach.
There are 3 approaches to the diamond casino heist. Silent and Sneaky, The Big Con and Aggressive.
For beginners, I would recommend alternating between Big Con and Aggressive, because those are the easiest ones. For Big Con, choose the Gruppe Sechs disguise for the easiest entry. Aggressive is good for newer players however it does end up in a lot of money loss. After you’ve got the gist of it, alternate to doing Silent and Sneaky in place of aggressive for a bigger payout.
Step 5: Selecting your support crew After you’ve selected your approach, you’ll need to select your support crew before you can do any of the prep missions.
Selecting your support crew is very simple. You’ll need a gunman to source guns, a driver to source cars and a hacker to delay the nerve agent inside the vault.
Selecting your support crew depends on the approach and target in the vault. For Big Con, SnS, any any target
EXCEPT for art, you’ll want the worst gunman (Karl Abolaji, take his Micro SMG on big con, heavy revolver on aggressive and on SnS the choice is up to you), the worst driver (Karim Denz, take his sentinel classic) and the best hacker available to you, for most people, this will be Paige Harris (unlocked when the terrorbyte is purchased, gives 3:25 in the vault when undetected and 2:23 detected).
For aggressive, you’ll still want to have the worst driver and best hacker, however the gunman is up to you since you’ll be using guns a lot. I normally go with Charlie Reed (unlocked when purchasing a hangar), he takes a 7% cut (2% more than Karl) and gives you an assault smg, however you can get by with Karl, as every gunman gives you a SMG to go along with another weapon, which is still a perfectly fine weapon.
For Big Con, SnS and the target is Art, if you and your heist partner can both hack very well, you can get by with Yohan Blair (takes a 5% cut and gives you 2:51 in the vault if you are undetected and 2:01 if you are).
Step 5.5: Secret heist crew members There are 2 hidden heist crew members that can’t be unlocked by purchasing a business like most heist crew members. There 2 are Patrick McReary and Avi Schwartzman. Patrick McReary is a gunman who takes an 8% cut and gives the choice a Combat MG or an Assault Shotgun in aggressive. Avi Schwartzman is a hacker that takes a 10% cut and gives 3:30 undetected in the vault and gives 2:22 if you are detected. To unlock Patrick, he spawns as a random event around the map. He spawns in a police car that you will need to hijack.
A guide is linked here. To unlock Avi, you’ll need to destroy 50 signal jammers that are located around the map.
A guide is linked here. Step 6: Prep Missions Now that you’ve selected your support crew, you’ll be presented with a plethora of prep missions. Some mandatory and some optional. To complete these missions, I suggest that you use a Kuruma, Buzzard or Oppressor Mk2 to make your life easier. In some prep missions, you will not be able to call lester, so be prepared. All of the missions can be done solo but it makes it easier if you have a friend with you to help you out.
Now onto the optional prep missions. Optional prep missions, are, as the name suggests, optional. The optional prep you should do depends on the approach. If you own a penthouse and have completed all of the missions, you will gain access to the security intel mission. It’s very easy to complete and you will only need to do it once. A nice trick is that the gauntlet actually spawns when you start the mission, not when the cutscene is triggered, so you can just shoot the driver and take the gauntlet. A guide will be linked below.
Let’s start with Silent and Sneaky. For Silent and Sneaky, the optional prep missions depend on your skill level. If you’re an experienced player, you don’t need to do much, only level 2 security passes. Power drills you can do if you think you have enough time. However if you are a very new player, I’d recommend that you do patrol routes, duggan shipments (you only need to destroy 3 to get rid of their bulletproof helmets), level 2 security passes, emp device and infiltration suits and power drills if you think you have enough time. If you do all these, the heist should be a breeze.
Going onto the Big Con, if you’re doing Gruppe Sechs, you don't need to do much. You only need to go through one door if you exit out the staff door, so you can decide if you want to do level 2 security passes or not. Patrol routes do make things easier, however are not necessary. Again, only do power drills if you think you have enough time. Make sure you do exit disguises. Noose and firefighter are exactly the same, so do firefighters since it has the easier mission.
For aggressive, again, patrol routes make it easier, but are never necessary. Make sure to do duggan shipments. You can solo it, but it will be much easier with another person. If you don’t get them all you can just close the game and you’ll be able to do the mission again. Reinforced armour allows you to take more damage, so I would recommend it even if it makes you slower. Be sure to also do boring machine as it allows you to enter through the sewers. Make sure to also do level 2 security passes unless you really like hacking doors.
Step 7: Finding people to play with Now that you’ve completed all your required prep missions, you need some people to play with. If you don’t have any friends to play with, I recommend checking out
HeistTeams or the
GTAO Discord LFG Channels to find people to play with. Make sure to have good communication between your teammates otherwise the heist will be in chaos.
Step 8: Completing the heist Now that you’ve got a solid heist crew waiting to grab all of that sweet loot out of the casino’s vault, you’ll be able to start the heist. If you're doing aggressive, the plan is pretty simple, shoot your way in, grab the loot, then shoot your way out. The easiest entry for aggressive is sewers, and the easiest exit is the eastern roof terrace. If you exit through the staff lobby, you’ll get shot a ton when going over the racetrack, however if you exit through the roof terrace, you can shoot the guys behind the stones on the racetrack then safely parachute down.
For The Big Con, I’m going to assume you’re doing the Gruppe Sechs approach. By doing the Gruppe Sechs approach, you can pretty much waltz into the vault and back out of it, just be careful that this has some limitations. When going back up the stairwell/elevator to the casino access floor, the guards will have checked the vault and know it’s been robbed, so you disguise ain't gonna work anymore. I strongly suggest getting exit disguises, as they will greatly help your escape. The easiest exit for this is the staff lobby.
For SnS, I’m not really going to go into too much detail here because there’s a full video linked below. What I will talk about is when to use the emp (If you did the prep mission). I recommend emp’ing when you’re at the vault access floor, allowing you to waltz into the mantrap, or when you're coming back up to the casino access floor and are in the mantrap.. Be warned that if you decide to get the daily vault when you trigger the emp, the emp’s timer will run out before you can get to your exit, so plan ahead. The easiest entrance for this is the staff lobby and the easiest exit is also the staff lobby.
Tips and tricks to complete the heist - If you are disguised, do not bump into any of the guards. They will detect you and start shooting.
- In the control room there is a button that you can press to open the door to the daily vault. One person has to hold the button while the other goes in and grabs the cash. This can be done with any approach.
- Running and jumping is faster than just running normally, use this to your advantage while inside the vault.
- Running in first person is actually faster than 3rd, so use this to your advantage when trying to knock out guards.
- Don’t bother trying to escape the cops by hiding in an alley or something, either take your car into the sewers down by the LS river or take the heli that usually spawns on top of the police station. The sewers will result in you losing less money, however will be much slower. I will link both of these methods below in the useful media section.
- Normally when exiting the casino from the staff lobby without any disguise, you’ll need to knock out a guard to the left of the swat fan to your right, before hugging the race track wall and then dropping down. I have found that sometimes if you run, the guard will hear you and detect you, causing you to get shot at. To prevent this, walk up to him making sure you stay out of his FOV then knock him out.
- You walk much faster in the casino if you are in first person, making the vault contents mission much easier.
- In prep missions, you can change any accessory (glasses, hat, ect.) to lose 1 star which is useful on missions where you can’t call Lester to remove your wanted level.
- On some missions, you can lose the cops by entering your Terrorbyte/MOC/Avenger.
- On some missions, you can lose the cops if you accept Lester’s apartment heist invite. This only works if you have a heist active.
- In the hacking device mission where you have to infiltrate the FIB building, you walk a lot faster if you aim down sights on any gun, however if you go into any agent’s LOS you will get detected instantly, so be careful when using this trick.
- You can upgrade your getaway vehicles in the arcade by getting in them and pressing the button showed on the prompt that appears on the top left.
Useful media Credits Special thanks to:
u/Pepperooney_ for adding a bunch of info on the tips and tricks section
u/what_it_dooo for suggesting the roof terrace and the hacking device trick
submitted by I see players asking on reddit and discord servers about what is the best approach, target etc. to the casino heist for a single person to get maximum final cut out of all casino heist approaches. So here is a little guide to the players who are confused by the same.
**Heist Approach**: *Silent and Sneaky* (controversial ik, but please keep on reading)
**Vault target**: *Diamonds* (2 days left, hurry up!!)
**Crew**: Driver: *Karim Denz* ; Gunman: *Karl Abolaji* ; Hacker: *Paige Harris*
**Number of players required**: *3* (including host)
**Heist difficulty** : *Hard*
Ok now that we are all set with the pre-requisites, let's get down to the explaining.
After all of the set-up, your Heist take should be around **$2,750,000**. In order to get the maximum take for host, set your cut to 70% and the other 2 players as 15% each. 70% should amount to $1,925,000 for the host + extra bonuses :) Keep on reading.
We are aiming for the elite challenge to get that sweet 100k, so in order to do that, we have to plan out our heist finale to get the elite + some nifty little cash.
1) Start the heist as usual, disabling cameras and guards and stuff. Get the daily when going thru the control room as you usually do. One player takes the daily vault, the other two clean out the vault floor during the same time. *Efficiency 100*
2) It's a bonus if all 3 players are good hackers (2 of them can also do it easy). Hack all doors and grab loot as you usually do. You should get full loot easily in the stipulated time (If u don't, not being mean but you need to be better at hacking).
3) After going through the mantrap, when you are the end of the mantrap, turn on EMP and buzz through. Now, DON'T TAKE ON DAILY VAULT THIS TIME. Just waltz through and go the exit.
4) Go through the usual shit and take on Heli. Do not even think of sewers. (You might lose some cash here but it ain't much). You have already made up for it :)
5) And the heist finale is done!!
If everything went smoothly, you as host should get around *$1,925,000 + Elite bonus of $100,000 + 0.7x0.76x(Your daily vault loot)**
**Your final heist take is $2,025,000+ percentage cut of daily**
As for the approach, I agree while bigcon g6 is easier than Sns, if you are experienced you can take advantage of the daily vault too! As for new players, take the g6 approach and your final take will be minus the daily vault loot.
Thank You for reading this guide and I hope you found this helpful!!. If you did, please upvote for others to see. Moderators if you are seeing this, please consider pinning this post if you found it useful as well.
Go spend that fat cash on strip clubs I guess lol....Cya!!
submitted by The Casino Heist - Silent & Sneaky is a heist featured in Grand Theft Auto Online as part of The Diamond Casino Heist update. It is one of the three possible approaches for the Casino Heist mission. 1 Description 1.1 Possible Entry Points 1.2 Vault 1.3 Exit Points 2 Trivia 3 Navigation The Silent & Sneaky approach is focused on getting through the casino without alerting anyone, adopting a What’s the best approach for casino heist? DISCUSSION. Also , anyone be down to do it tmr with me? (PC) 26 comments. share. save. hide. report. 90% Upvoted. This thread is archived. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Sort by . best. level 1. 1 year ago. the big con is good, if you use the one where you use a casino truck you have acces to the vault with no problem, you Last month, Rockstar released the Diamond Casino Heist for Grand Theft Auto Online. It’s been hailed as the the game’s biggest and most elaborate heist to date.In addition to choosing an approach to the mission, there are several steps that you must take before you’re able to embark, including buying an arcade and hiring a crew. The Diamond Casino Heist is the biggest ever to hit GTA Online, and requires drawing up meticulous setup plans to walk away with the maximum payout. Here’s a run-down of the setup board for the This guide is a complete walkthrough of the Big Con approach to the Diamond Casino Heist. Our Silent and Sneaky guide can be found here and our Aggressive approach guide is here.There is also a variant of this approach which uses Yung Ancestor disguises instead and you can read how to do that here.Make sure you also check out how to unlock the elite hacker Avi Schwartzman for more time in the How to start the GTA Casino Heist. Firstly, you’ll need to buy a retro arcade property. This will be where your dastardly plan forms, as well as where you’ll be able to refine your criminal This guide is a complete walkthrough of the Aggressive approach to the Diamond Casino Heist. Our Big Con approach guide is here and our Silent & Sneaky guide is here.Make sure you also check out how to unlock the elite hacker Avi Schwartzman for more time in the vault, our payout/take guide, and also the POI and access point guide. Anyone know what the best approach for the casino heist is with only 2 people? My friend and I tried aggressive but were only able to get around 1.3 million before they gassed the vault, and then lost around 100k more on the way out. just did 2 heist w/ artwork, first one we took out 2.1 million (we left one behind to stay undetected), 2nd we took out 2.4....takes 19seconds to take a piece of art and it takes 38 seconds to take a tray of cash (i believe) and 33 seconds for a tray of gold.....imo artwork will always be the best payout until diamonds finally drip feed as a target (which are a 3.1 million payout according to